Invisible
by Yellowtail555
Summary: "And you cry, late at night, in the 3rd bathroom stall from the left, turning on the shower to drown the noise. And no one can know because you have to be strong." And she just doesn't know what to make of the world. Next Generation.


**This is written for the No-Name Challenge, hosted by Love From a Muggle. Which means I can't tell you who my main character is but feel free to guess. Enjoy!**

**I do not own Harry Potter. I think you could have guessed that...**

You're a chameleon. But you're use to it. After all, you always have been invisible. You sit in the library and tighten the braid in your red hair and watch. That seems to be all you can do. Even with fiery red hair that immediately marks you as a Weasley-Potter; you study for History of Magic, surrounded by books, and observe everyone else. Particularly, your cousins.

And you cry, late at night, in the 3rd bathroom stall from the left, turning on the shower to drown the noise. And no one can know because you have to be strong. They expect you to be strong because you were born to show that good people, the heros, _can_ have happy endings. But life's not a fairy tale and your parents are divorced and your brother refuses to talk to you and you can't even look your dad in the eye without remembering everything that use to be. And your mum has another child and tries to raise you all but she has too many secrets.

But you have secrets too. And you know that he knows your secret but no one else ever can because they'll never let it go. And so, after classes you go up to the owlery where no one can bug you because it's quiet, like the library use to be. A haven, of sorts. And you rub owl feathers between your fingers because it's comforting in a weird, imperfect sort of way.

Looking out into the open sky, you wish you could just jump and you're not sure if you want to fall or be carried through the wind far away from here because, simply, anything has to be better than this. And maybe it's sick, how much you craves his touch, because it's not like it's anything special. He's your cousin, so when he leans against you... it's just what it seems. A best friend looking for support from another.

And you can't love someone, especially not your cousin, when you don't even know who you are. You hold your head high and pretend that you know but you're just mixing your personality up with everyone else's. With your parents' and aunts' and uncles' personalities. Studious, secretive, snappy, protective, and willing to joke around but that side barely ever comes out. It use to when you were younger but you grew up and learned to face the word and you didn't have time for that anymore. Instead, you had to bite your lip and put on a fake smile and pretend everything was okay when it was all just going to hell.

And the boy you love can never be yours and he likes your best friend, did you know? And it's all just one big mess because why does _your _life have to be this messed up? So you close your eyes and take deep breaths when no one's looking and you know that the Yule Ball's coming up and you're screwed in every way. So you ask _him_; and damn does it burn, like the fire your hair reminds everyone of; you ask him as cousins, best friends, and everything else that could explain that crazy, unsupported exclamation. But he loves your best friend, remember, and not you. Never you. So he says he can't and you're running in the next moment, heading for everywhere you've ever thought of as safe. The library, the owlery, the girl's bathroom. Because he can never see the tears in your eyes and see how weak you are.

But he follows you because he's sweet, in that way. Everyone else sees him as the jock, the bully, the kid that beats up on everyone. Only you know that he does it so he's not like everyone else. Like his parents. That he can't play quidditch worth a damn and that you can fly better than him but he still tries because he's got loyalty that he'll never show another soul in the world. He's a Gryffindor for a reason and you are too but you don't even know why because you feel so weak and you don't have any courage that you can see and you can't take any of this shit anymore. But you wear the red and gold tie because there's no where else for you. You won't fit in Hufflepuff, Slytherin, or Ravenclaw because you can't figure out what you are.

And it's over because when he bends down beside you, you reach out and push your lips against his and you almost miss his expression because you're running as fast as you can. But you still see it as you look back at your haven and he looks up at you with his mouth open, in the middle of the owlery. And you run away, you leave the school and make your own way in the world. And it's not until years later, when you're running a bookshop in Ireland, trying to make it in the muggle world, that you see him. He walks right by the shop window, strutting in his own self importance and then a girl follows him, giggling and grabbing him around the waist. And when they stop outside of your shop to kiss, you see an engagement ring on the girl's finger. And your cousin has made his own way in the world without you and so you duck your head and you feel so invisible. That he can walk by everything you've made yourself and not even think of you, because he should know if you're anywhere; you're at a bookstore, but only of his fiancé.

And you've escaped your family and the wizarding world but you'll never find anyone to replace him so you weep as only a heartbroken girl can do. And you're twenty-six and stronger than you were when you left Hogwarts at sixteen and you finally see why you might almost be a Gryffindor. But you still feel invisible, and so you cry for what you will never know and never have.

**I hope you enjoyed. It's kind of obvious who my main character is... but see if you can guess who she loves. I have to say, I'm a fan of the pairing. Set in the same universe as New Year NextGen (**.net/forum/New_Year_NextGen/105967/ **)**.


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